Also, if anyone can tell me how to make the text around my pictures appear immediately underneath them, rather than wrapping to the right?

It would make me happy…and also make my posts a lot nicer to read for you guys.

This can’t be a ED doctor; at no point did the doctor say “Oh fuck it, stick an nasopharyngeal airway down her and see if she’s ’seizing’ then.”

Because doctors don’t say that.

Uh-huh.

From the brilliant GruntDoc

More F1 stories coming, but this just makes me laugh rather a lot.

I’m standing at a kerb in Newington, preparing to cross the road with DigitalLouis, while DigitalKate and DigitalSean take the afternoon off and swim/sweat in a sauna.

Anyway.

Standing waiting for the green man, a taxi waiting at lights beeps at me and I look up to see Judas at the wheel. He waves and points at Louis with a questioning look on his face. It was a look that said “You don’t have a kid…eh?”

So as we crossed I turned back over my shoulder, said hello to Judas through the open window
and, just to ‘clarify’ why I was wandering down the street with someone else’s kid, I shouted:

“If you find one, you get to keep it, right?”

He nodded and drove off, laughing.

The woman behind me, though?

She wasn’t laughing.

She was scowling at me.

And took the time to tell me I was a “fucking disgrace”.

Splendid…I was getting rather tired of this whole “pillar of the community” thing.

Because when two very, very drunk student nurses approached the vehicle and bike the other day on the High St and one of them bleated “I don’t know HOW I’ll manage to be a nurse, I get so sad around sick people. An old lady died on my placement and they had to send me out of the room because I was crying too loudly.”

Caz gave excellent advice, which was helpful, because my head was just screaming

A lovely Russian person spammed the comments here, asking if was “serfing for busty teens”.

I replied in the negative, though I did some squiring once for a knight with a fantastic rack.

The Daily Mail is, for those of you outside the UK, the amongst the most horrendous “But we’re just being reasonable” right-wing trash that is propagated in the UK media.

They’re running a poll today “Should the NHS allow gipsies (sic) to jump the queue?”

Vote “yes” to fuck up their poll. I just did.

Dear Executive Board.

I would like one of these in my stocking, please.

Kthxby.

Kal

More here

The world isn’t REALLY full of total cunts.
Lovely.

Mark’s latest post reminded my of my favourite Essex girl joke. Those of you of an international bent might just have to shrug your shoulders on this one, sorry

There’s a terrible car crash, a Cortina vs a bus shelter, the ambulance crew arrive to find Tracey, a 48 year old woman wearing a boob tube, hot pants and slingbacks with more highlights in her hair than a Blackpool night out. There’s blood everywhere. The paramedic leans in to the cab.

“Hello my love, dont you worry, we’ll get you sorted. What’s your name?”

In a voice like glass in the face of a kitten, she answers

“Tracey.”

“Ok Tracey, just stay calm for me. Can you tell me where you’re bleeding from?”

There’s a moment while she stares at him, then replies

“I’m from bleedin’ Romford, innai?”

-

Makes me laugh…and before you get all nasty, I was born in Essex, so I’m allowed. Nyah.

Birch and I sitting on a sofa, wiping cake crumbs from our lips.

“Oh FUCK! We should have taken a photo of those for my banner.”

“Oh fuck. Now we’ll have to buy more!”

“Fuck!”

“I KNOW! Fuck…..”