Oct 29 2006
Hey guys, am labelling my posts and want to develop a “Best Stuff” option on the sidebar. I know which posts *I* want to include, but was wondering if there are any posts on here that have stuck with you sufficiently that you think they’re worthy of being dragged from the mire?
Oct 29 2006
I wonder if it’s ok to use maple syrup instead of sugar when you’re stewing apples.
I hope it is.
Otherwise I’ve just wasted a lot of apples.
And maple syrup.
Oct 28 2006
Who only talks about work.
Stolen from Raising Chooks.
a) Four jobs I have had in my life
b) Four movies I would watch over and over
c) Four places I have lived
d) Four TV shows I love to watch
e) Four places I have visited
f) Four websites I visit daily
g) Four of my favourite foods
h) Four places I would like to be right now
Oct 25 2006
Keagirl at Urostream has an interesting post about choosing the gender of your attending physician, a luxury that my patients tend to lack, though we do our best to have the most appropriate member of a team attend to each patient.
Her comment about “Pervs” reminds me of attending a regular caller in my first fortnight on the job. She’d call 999, claim to be short of breath and on the crew’s arrival would simulate a most persuasive expiratory wheeze. Unfortunately her memory wasn’t quite so hot and as you chatted to her she’d forget to wheeze. My colleague stood behind me and reminded her “Don’t forget your breathing, Judy, you’re letting it slip.”
She caught his eye, muttered “Thanks son.” and started wheezing again!
All this goes on while her husband sits on the sofa, soaking in his own urine and screaming obscenities through the wall into her bedroom. It’s a lovely household, real Martha Stewart style-ee.
On this occasion she’d changed her story and was complaining of chest pain. As standard, I took a 12 lead ECG (a detailed view of the heart, obtained by attaching electrodes across the breastbone, left pectoral region and into the armpit).
As she lifted her nighty and I started applying the pads she caught my wrist and said “It’s been a long time since a young man touched me there.”
Vile.
Oct 20 2006
I had a whole week off and didn’t post a damn thing.
I’m bad, sorry.
Mainly I’ve been at Amber and Len’s place, hanging out and taking pictures.
I unthinkingly made Dan very sad when I said that I loved cinnamon bagels more than I loved anything else in the world. When I turned back from the toaster he was staring at the table with his shoulders slumped.
“Buddy! What’s up?”
“Do…do you really love bagels more than you love me?”
I.
Am.
A.
Meanie.
SMM and I taught the kids how to make themselves look horrific with Cas-Sim makeup, Heidi wandered round for the evening with a cocktail stick embedded in her forehead, Hannah had a grossly smooshed finger which she eventually left in a ZipLoc bag on the draining board.
Charming child.
Those of you who are marked as “Friends” on my Flickr account will have seen the results. Yessir, I can boogie.
I was chatting to Sarah Vulgaris about the shot when she said “That rocks, you should frame it.”
“Wha’?”
“YOu know, get it printed and hang it on a wall.”
“Ohhh, yeah. You can do that with photos, huh?”
Such a little digital baby, blame my parents.
So I nipped round to the lovely photo studio round the corner to find out how much it would cost to get it printed and found…that they’ve closed and the building is now home to an osteopath.
I took a leaflet, I don’t have my photo, but maybe my neck won’t sound like kindling in a fire anymore.
Lots of people have asked me about this kid and how she’s doing; I have absolutely no idea, none whatsoever.
It would be a simple thing to pop up to ICU and ask.
I’m not sure I want to.
What else can I tell you…I did some overtime at Ambutown where I met a man who told me he had “Appendicitis and chest pain and diarrhea and vomiting and nausea, but I’ve not been sick, I’ve just FELT sick and when I go to the toilet there’s loads of blood coming out and I can’t poo and I have diarrhea.”
Uh-huh.
Popped in for an eye test which was all going splendidly, I sat in the big whooshy chair and stared at lights as the optometrist said “That’s fine, that’s fine, great, lovely………ummm…”
Excuse me? “Ummm?”
“Uhhh, yeah, has anyone ever mentioned that you have blood vessels in your iris?”
“Is that bad?”
“Your iris is meant to be avascular. Normally you’d only see this if your eye’s ever been starved of oxygen. Ever suffered any eye or head trauma?”
“Not really, no.”
“Strange, I think I’ll refer you for a second opinion.”
By this time I am soundly freaking out. I can totally do without my eyes getting fucked up, particularly as I’m aware some optical vascular conditions can result in blood vessels growing into the vitreous jelly and suddenly rupturing without warning, turning your whole world red in the blink of…well, you get the idea.
We discussed my fears.
“Oh, there’s nothing to worry about, it’s just unusual. There’s nothing to suggest they’re in anyway dangerous, everything else is fine, they’re probably congenital and just haven’t been picked up before. Chances are the eye specialists might want to take some pictures of them for the archives.”
“So I’m more interesting than I am at risk?”
“Oh absolutely.”
So I’m a medical freak. Hooya!
Then last night I went off to the Scottish Parliament building at Holyrood to collect my “Millenium Volunteer” 200 hours award, a somewhat laughable plaudit as it celebrates my completeing 200 hours of voluntary work when my work record stands at well over a thousand. Unfortunately their system doesn’t extend to people who’ve done that much work.
Myself and my other colleagues who were receiving similar awards turned out in dress uniform, we looked, though I say so myself, sharp as hell. We felt very old when we realised that most of the volunteers there were about 18 and had all schlepped out in jeans and teeshirts. I felt like an old colonel as I muttered to my mate Dan “Doesn’t anyone know how to wash, shave and put a fucking tie on?”
God I’m getting old, testament indeed to the increasing grey streaks appearing in my hair. I’m seriously considering getting extra silver highlights added. Fuck it, if I’m going to go grey, I’ll go grey at MY rate, thankyou.
Night shift tonight, will blog interesting jobs from the phone if I can.
Oct 14 2006
The cop recognised me, he’d given me the “I know I’ve seen you before, but can’t remember where.” eyebrow raise.
“Weren’t you at the stabbing at Harbour Road?”
“No mate, you came out to me on Ship St, remember?”
*blank look*
“I’m the fucking English cunt.”
“Oh YEAH! Hi!”
Oct 11 2006
In the past twelve hours I have:
Driven a hundred and sixty five miles on blue lights.
Driven smack-bang into rolling banks of fog at ninety miles an hour that appeared from nowhere.
Sat around in a hospital in Aberdeen for hours on end, drinking coffee and thinking longingly about the chicken pie lying in the Station fridge back in Edinburgh.
Got chatting to a guy and through our conversation came to realise he went to school with my brother in Orkney.
Loaded a critically ill kid into my ambulance, taking care to take along the dozens of ICU accessories that came with her(including the PICU doctor and nurse that were travelling with her).
Driven a hundred and sixty five miles, on blue lights, in the other direction.
Called a bloke in a Beemer something very unpleasant as he undertook me on a roundabout (still with blue lights on).
Called him something even more unpleasant when I sped past him as he crawled past the speed cameras guarding some roadworks.
Had minor mental freak-out when I realised exactly how much responsibility I had for the passengers in my ambulance.
Remembered not to think about the job that much.
Unloaded patient and transfer team at ICU, dropped team off at hospital, returned to Station (chicken pie! How I love thee!).
Went home, put on laundry, fucked up settings, forgot to set it on “Delay” mode meaning that Flatmate Giles will be woken up by the spin cycle at 8am.
Wrote this.
Bed.
I love my job, I really, really do. It’s knackering and terrifying, but I don’t know what I’m going to be doing, where I’ll be and who I’ll work with from one minute to the next.
And it rocks.
Oct 11 2006
But I was just introduced to this song, which is wonderful.
And very rude.
Very rude indeed.
Niece Corey? Don’t watch this.
At least, not with the sound turned up.
Oct 10 2006
The New York fire department categorise their new probationary staff
into two boxes- white clouds and black. Black clouds bring with them
all the jobs in the city, fires, entrapments, floods. White clouds are
the opposite. Yesterday my partner C and I had job after job, medical
emergencies in series. Hypos, fits, perforated ulcers, chest pain,
collapse. Unusually, each one of our jobs required some form of
treatment, a far cry from an average day where at least one job will
be a less than appropriate use of an ambulance.
As it was we finished the day with a sigh, ruefully writing up a list
of the equipment we'd used. Back on station We passed it to the night
shift crew who were waiting to relieve us; they took one look and
laughed, electing instead to take a less decimated vehicle. We
parked up and abandoned it, knowing that we'd be back first thing to
replenish its cupboards.
Saturday morning came around and i was tucking into my cereal in the
mess room when i remembered we had an observer riding with us. A soft
knock on the door heralded her somewhat timorous arrival. She was
keen, receptive, eager to get stuck in and slightly taken aback by the
more colourful language of the mess room. Our first job was for a
chest pain, who, on our arrival blurted "It's indigestion, i know it
is, but the man on the phone said to call you…"
A common enough problem we face every shift, patients call NHS24 for
advice, the call handler, spotting symptoms that could be associated
with a life threatening condition calls an ambulance, telling our
controllers the worst possible condition and it's that that we are
despatched to.
The patient wasn't interested in going to hospital in the slightest,
so we went on our merry way, making the customary "another one
snatched from the jaws of death" joke as we climbed back into the cab.
That set something of a trend for the day, over and over we arrived at
jobs to find they weren't serious, or the patient didn't want to
travel. One "chest pain" patient was found to have tonsilitis!
By the end of the day we'd only taken three patients to hospital, two
of whom had been non-emergency transport cases. Hardly the realm of
blue lights and daring do our observer said she'd been expecting.
I can't help wondering which colour of cloud gets the better deal. I
was certainly a black one, seeing several ' proper' jobs while
observing. I had my share of pish too, but 29 the time I joined the
Service I'd seen arrests, stabbings and RTAs.
Perhaps the question isn't one of the "best deal" but rather, which
cloud gets the more honest impression of what we do?