May 08
Virgina Bottomley (anag.)
I don’t hate you because you called me a cunt.
Or because you’re planning on staying at home with your kid, her eyes bloodshot and weeping pus and snot.
Probably conjunctivitis.
Probably.
But possibly early orbital cellulitis. Possibly an infection that could cost her her sight, or pour infection and toxins into the rest of her system.
I don’t hate you because you’re screaming at me.
I don’t hate you because you refuse to step up to the plate and take some responsibility.
It’s nothing to do with the fact that, when the state doesn’t roll over and pay for your demands, you respond with aggression and threats.
And I don’t even mind you telling me that if your kid dies it’ll be on my conscience, because it won’t.
It’ll be on yours.
I’m bemused by your refusal to phone your father to drive you home from the hospital, you respond by shouting that it’s my fault, that if I’m taking you to hospital I have to take you back.
When I ask about public transport, you light another cigarette, put your sparkling trainers on the coffee table and switch off the gargantuan TV on the wall, before telling me you can’t afford the bus.
You, apparently in all seriousness, propose “kicking off” in hospital to get arrested, surmising that “they’ll not put us in the cells with the bairn, they’ll drive us home.”
I hate you because you refuse to consider that maybe, just maybe, you could try taking some responsibility for yourself, stepping outside the bare minimum that has to be done to get along.
I hate you because you’d sooner see your kid stay at home, crying, scrubbing chubby fists at her swollen eyes than step up to the plate when she needs you.
I hate you because when I ask a final time if you’re coming with us, you smugly refuse, preferring to score sordid, childish points than have your kid see the doctor.
I hate you because when I describe you, I hear myself sounding like a Tory bigot, frothing behind his Daily Mail, scared of anyone darker or poore than himself.
I hate you because I can find no words to describe you other than “scum”.
I hate you because, faced with a situation in which the establishment won’t bail you out, you respond with aggression and violence.
I hate you because you denigrate everything I believe in about socialism, about people being inherently good, about giving everyone a chance and supporting your fellow man.
I hate you because you make me hate myself.
May 8th, 2009 at 12:18 pm
Thought provoking as always Kal
May 8th, 2009 at 12:23 pm
I would say put a vulnerable child form in (I’m sure you did) but I am certain this child will already be “known” to social services, and nothing will change as a result of your referral. Depressing isn’t it?
May 8th, 2009 at 1:30 pm
that’s too close for comfort for me
May 8th, 2009 at 1:42 pm
Isn’t it always the case that the people we find it least possible to cope with emotionally are the people who press our personal buttons?
The fact is, it doesn’t matter if we’re in a semi-socialist or fully-capitalist economy, there are always people who exploit others. I do find it odd that we (I include myself) tend to get more wound up about those in living poverty and exploiting the system than the incredibly rich exploiting the system. Maybe it’s because I indentify with them closer: perhaps I see more of myself reflected in their eyes?
Either way, it’s a shame you can’t report them and have something done about it. They’re clearly more concerned about personal comfort than their children which I find pretty abhorent.
May 8th, 2009 at 2:20 pm
The people that treat the Welfare State as a lifestyle choice instead of the safety net it was intended to be are disgusting. I advocate feeding them organic swill on some huge secure site and once they reach optimum weight, pureeing them and using the paste as sausage meat.
May 8th, 2009 at 3:17 pm
If it was just the woman, I would just say “fuck her”. If she wants to refuse our country’s fine free medical service because of the cost of a £1.20 bus fare, that’s her own problem.
Unfortunately, as soon as a dependent is involved everything changes, and that’s what angers me.
I am tempted to print this entry off and shove it under the nose of my next door neighbour. Sadly, I don’t think she would understand it.
Go back and look at the Tweenbots link you posted the other day…that should make you smile and restore your faith in humanity a bit!
May 8th, 2009 at 3:26 pm
Virgina Bottomley=vomitory bleating?
Your writing, as usual, is incredible. Unfortunately I have a really short fuse for rampant abuse of the state’s resources and I see it too often here in the ICU as well.
Families occasionally come our way that want their all-but-deceased loved one ventilated, dialyzed, poked, prodded and tortured. No matter how many of our staff tell them their fathermothersisterbrother is no longer in there, they insist we do everything for them. Our individual ICU beds cost the province $2,000,000CDN a year when salaries and materials costs are included. A very expensive prospect to have abused. *sigh* I’d like to find some peace about this issue as well.
May 8th, 2009 at 4:05 pm
Why were you called in the first place? You could report her to child protection, but for some reason I think she’s already on their list…
It’s ok to get angry, I think. We can’t tolerate everything just because we want to be understanding. You can be a poor single mum and still be an idiot.
May 8th, 2009 at 5:59 pm
Sadly, someone has taught her that it is OK to behave this way. Eventually the scum will rule the earth. In fairness, the vast majority of parents, single or otherwise, are doing a good job. It is unfortunate that in our line of work we see far too many of the people, male and female,that you sometimes think should have been sterilised at puberty.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:07 pm
AAARGH! Agree with everything you say here, why have people just given up on responsibility? I worry I’m turning into a Tory.
May 8th, 2009 at 6:40 pm
Virginia Bottomley = a biology riven mitt?
May 8th, 2009 at 6:42 pm
Whoof. That was a very nasty post….the problem is that there are more and more people being turned out like that.
3:O(>
Cadbury (who immediately recognised the anagram.)
Virginia Bottomley = I’m an evil Tory bigot. Goes well with:
Tony Blair P.M. = I’m Tory Plan B
May 8th, 2009 at 7:07 pm
A phone call to the Social Work department would be in order - I think that would fall within the definition of “likely to cause a child injury due to neglect” wouldn’t it? I am, as always, amazed at your self-control. The temptation to punch her lights out and take her (and her child) into hospital because she was unconscious must have been almost overwhelming.
May 8th, 2009 at 8:15 pm
Amen, Kal. Amen. I stand in your shoes. I try to retain my humanity. I try not to hate, but I dwell, a pillar of salt that has looked back too many times.
RD
May 8th, 2009 at 9:17 pm
I think your anger is healthy in this situation. Probably even more healthily, you express it on here rather than repeadedly pounding her head off the side of the nearest hard surface….
I too am a great beliver in our socialist system. It helped us out greatly when my Dad got made redundant… then a few months later found work. You know - what the systems actually for!
May 8th, 2009 at 10:57 pm
GrumpyRn is correct “Eventually the scum will rule the earth”.
They are out breeding us. It’s a fact.
May 8th, 2009 at 11:20 pm
Don’t worry about it. In the end you cannot force people to get help, only offer it to them. You have done the right thing to help the child but it is up to the parent, ultimately. It’s only a tiny minority of people who would deny their kids help to prove a point. Once you start hating, it can be a slippery slope. Unfortunately it seems as if the term ‘lumpen proletariat’ was invented just for some people. They’re are the ones with the problem not you. Maintain your standard of care and move on.
May 9th, 2009 at 1:51 am
It’s a rough job we have sometimes, isn’t it?
It’s okay to be angry.
May 9th, 2009 at 10:04 am
I don’t work for the Ambulance Service - I proudly work to help pay for it! I’m tempted to ask you to give me her address and I’ll go around there and beat seven bells out of her. Sadly, that would just make her feel even more of a ‘victim’. Definition of ’scrounging scum’ given to me by a long suffering police officer? “They’ve got a bigger telly than you or I could afford.”
May 9th, 2009 at 10:06 am
The conflict inside. The helplessness and the frustration….. sigh
May 9th, 2009 at 10:27 am
This sort of experience is why, no matter how much training or skills I could ever acquire, I could never work in a front-line position like yours. The best one can hope for in this situation is that the child will one day realise what a selfish and arrogant turd her mother is, and strive not to follow her example. Sadly, the statistics on generational poverty tell us it’s far more likely she’ll turn out the same way.
May 9th, 2009 at 9:46 pm
Powerful post Kal.
May 9th, 2009 at 11:57 pm
This country is going to hell in a hand-basket because of scrounging, waster, scumsucking, lowest forms of life like you have just described. Unfortunately, it’s the rest of us who have to pay for her and the many like her, whilst she gets everything handed to her on a silver platter. When, oh when, will the government see sense and finally get tough on these maggots of society? They either need to pay their way and contribute like the rest of us, or they should be made to live a more basic lifestyle…..it makes me absolutely sick to the core to think about all these ungrateful, money-grabbing/demanding, gobshites who have so much when people like our elderly, who fought to keep this country free for all, are living (and all too often dying) hand to mouth because they can’t afford to eat AND stay warm.
I get so mad about this whole subject……it is seriously a shame that we’re not legally allowed to knock the living crap out of these job dodging, benefit robbing, excuses for human beings!
May 10th, 2009 at 12:03 am
***SIGH*** Feel better now that that’s been aired….on the flip side, loved the story about the tweenbots and, despite sounding like a ranting loony before, believe it or not I do still believe that most people are inherently good and decent folk…..just not her!
May 10th, 2009 at 9:40 am
You’re on the front line for seeing ALL sorts of folks, aren’t you? Must be bloody hard at times to retain faith in human nature… Don’t give up!!
May 11th, 2009 at 12:26 am
Man I really empathise with you,she probably called an Ambulance because she was bored and in need of entertainment, she’s a sick unit who is so self absorbed no one can help her.Could the police have helped? I mean this child is in desperate need of care and protection.
Don’t get bitter though, find a way to deal with it without affecting your soul, or you will lose the Amazing/compassionate person who you are, and be consumed with hatred.
What do I know you may think? because there isnt alot left with which I haven’t seen, and holding onto who you are means you will always be better than the pond scum who you come across……
May 11th, 2009 at 10:56 am
Don’t worry - I hate her too.
May 11th, 2009 at 2:22 pm
We’ve got some of those here too. We call them “Welfare Moms”. The Conservatives like to point their fingers at them as reasons why we should ignore ALL the poor and helpless in our country - because we might also help some of these pseudo-poor and undeserving.
While I agree with your anger at her and her foolish behavior, I’d rather live in a country that was willing to take the chance of offering services to the undeserving rather than one that refuses to help ANYONE for fear someone might game the system.
May 13th, 2009 at 10:24 pm
Provoked some amazing responses here Kal. Bit worried that the general tone is slightly to the right of Genghis Khan from a self-selected audience presumably interested in healthcare/welfare. Scary.
May 15th, 2009 at 2:02 pm
Delurking to say: report the child, for sure, to SS and police; and, perhaps, see if there’s a non-profit you might notify as well, even in the form of a question. Your intervention could save that child’s eyesight, or her life.
Abuse and lack of care creates more abuse; a report might poke a stick into that individual cycle of abuse. FWIW, I was in a situation where I hated myself for my own good instincts; and ended up in therapy to hear what others are telling you here, which is that anger directed at the correct object is very, very healhy indeed.
God bless you for doing your job.
October 20th, 2009 at 10:02 pm
[…] Also, a lot of these people are…radges. Chavs, scavs, jakes. The type of people I come home and rant about. […]