Apr 10

Post Trip Perspective

Tag: JournalKal @ 11:27 pm


I came back from the desert two days ago, shook the sand from my boots and scrubbed it from parts of my body that I needn’t share.

I slept and shared stories, ate Easter lunch with friends and then got pissed with other friends.

I’ve sat around and unpacked and settled into the fug I always feel when I come home, when everything is the same, the sun doesn’t shine and I don’t have a helicopter to fly around in.

You know when the phone rings and you see the name and you just *know*?

I knew it wasn’t good.

There was no reason to doubt that my Mum was phoning just to catch up, but her voice confirmed it.

“Is everything ok?”

I heard her breathe.


My Nanny, my Dad’s Mum, had a stroke this morning; found in her nursing home when the orderly came in, sunshine and chatter, to wake her up.

She’s alive, but sick…we all know the risks of treatment.

And we know she’d want to be at home.

And we know that she’s very old.

One phone call slapped me back into jangling perspective.

Every time I’ve seen her over the past years I’ve kissed her and known that this might well be the last time we speak.

Last time, before Christmas, she, with delicate concentration, knitted her fingers through mine. She scolded me for not shaving as my beard brushed her cheek. She smiled, faint and gentle, at my faint and gentle jokes.

The last time we spoke.

14 Responses to “Post Trip Perspective”

  1. sarah says:

    oh I’m so sorry to read this.
    My love to you your nan and family.


  2. carol d says:

    If that turns out to be the last conversation, it’s not at all a bad one…but I’ll hope for you all.


  3. parodie says:

    I’m sorry.
    Wishing clarity and calmness for you and your family, peace and the knowledge that she is loved to your grandmother.


  4. CB says:

    What can anyone say, hon? Hugs. xxx


  5. Cath says:

    I’m sorry to hear about your grandmother. Best wishes to you all.


  6. Fee says:

    So sorry. So little anyone can say at a time like this. Just, *hugs*.


  7. Rach says:

    Aach – bollocks for you – I’m expecting similar news from my Grandad anytime now (he’s managed to hang on in there a fair old while, and there are still echoes of his old self there). It’s hard – I want to be there for my mum, but it’s a 200 mile trip I can’t just make because it’s nearly time. It’s got to be actual time before I can set off.
    Take it easy (I’m sure I said similar in a stalky fashion when your mum’s mum was on her last legs), and let your friends be there for you.


  8. Lucy says:

    I’m so sorry to hear this. Love and hugs heading your way.


  9. PA State Cop says:

    Prayers, Brother.


  10. lucie says:

    ((hugs)) for what hey are worth Kal…take care


  11. Heather the Vet says:

    Aw Kal, that’s really sad. I bet she’s so proud of you, her big strong paramedic Grandson.

    My last chat with my Grandpa was in hospital, he asked me to get him some ice-cream as a “token of my thingmy” which is the sort of phrase that stays with you. We ate ice cream and for the first time, didn’t argue about anything. I had to go back to work in Northumberland. I never saw him again.


  12. Sewmouse says:





  13. Heyho says:



  14. Piper says:

    So sorry to hear this news, sending big hugs to you, take care xx


Leave a Reply