Dec 30

Christmas Day

Tag: UncategorizedKal @ 10:57 am

I'm going to reach out to those of you with, or who live with, small children. I'd love to sit alongside you and we could, together, bemoan the hellish early hour we were woken.

But I can't, because I was woken up at quarter to ten by Louis and Kate, the former signing frantically.


“Did Santa come?”


“Awesome. Did he bring presents?”


“I'm awake.”


“I need to put some clothes on, dude, I'm only wearing my boxers here.”


“No problem, you go through and I'll catch up.”


Kate just laughed, dumped him on my bed and averted her eyes.


Through in the living oom, sure ebough, Santa had been. The carrots were eaten (all ten of them, he was sure the reindeer would be hungry (and so they were, although they won't be eating coleslaw any time soon) and the whisky was drunk and the mince pies reduced to crumbs.

Presents were everywhere, huge stacks of them.

“Wow, Louis, who are these for?”


“Cool. Do you think Santa brought anything for anyone else?”


“I'm sure there'll be something here for me and Mum and Dad.”

NO *cross face* ALL ME

I turns out the Christmas books only talk about Santa bringing gifts for kids. We had to explain that other people would be getting presents too, in the interests of injecting a little festive cheer into the kid. Also, I was screwed if I was surrendering my haul of loot just because Kate and Sean had made poor pre-christmas story choices.

Partway through the gift opening, Fran and Laura popped by for some pre-lunch champagne and to deliver the best socks I've ever worn. You suspect you're getting old when you get socks for Christmas, but you know you've got there when you're thrilled by them.

My presents were generally awesome, a few nice wee hampers, a suspend-it-from-the-roof chair, various CDs and books and a copy of Gloom, the Victorian tragedy card game (fun for all the consumption riddled family).

Then there was the small matter of Christmas dinner. The whole flat was due to be out of town for a couple of days following the 25th, so we'd shopped with a view to avoiding leftovers. Louis and I had spent a very festive morning in Tesco picking up last minute odds and sods, singing along and shaking tubs of peppercorns like maracas.



The day before we'd all tried to settle on what we were eating on the big day, turkey or duck? Just a chicken? A nice cut of beef? We all knew that it had to be straightforward and create no carcass.


So when I spotted a stuffed butterfly of turkey I nabbed it and threw it in the trolley (possibly saying “Fuck it, that'll do us”) not noticing its claim to feed 10 people. THis turned out to be bullshit, incidentally, unless the people it was feeding were leprechauns. It amply fed the three of us and produced a couple of extra servings.

Or maybe we're just fat.


Aside from this, I decided that I would cook Christmas dinner, having never done it before and feeling rather adventurous following my pie and ham extravaganzas earlier on in the week. To plan it, I made this little beauty.




The thing the picture doesn't really show is that it's written out on a 3 foot tall whiteboard. Its not that I'm anal about these things, you understand, its just that I wanted it all to work.

Also I quite like schedules where you get to shout “1500! Baste!” in the sort of voice that Mortal Kombat used to say “Fight”.

So dinner was lovely, and then very fat and a little tipsy I fell asleep on the sofa in front of Tim Burton's Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and only woke up when I farted enormously (sprouts, sue me).

The entire day was thoroughly grand and I spent some time trying to work out what had made it so comfortable.

And here it is.

It's my first Christmas since leaving home where I've been:

Not working.

Not at my parents.

Not at somebody ELSE'S house (thanks enormously to the various people who've had me over for Christmas over the years, I love you all xxx).

In my own home.

With other people, including a little person.

Adult enough to know that Christmas will probably be fine and to play a part in making that happen.


In short, it was the Christmas of a settled person.

And that's worth a lot.


13 Responses to “Christmas Day”

  1. Pam says:

    Happy Christmas to you, and a glorious New Year!


  2. Fee says:

    I do like a man with a plan! Our Christmas day started at 6.45, despite my kids being waaaay past the Santa stage. Dinner was the usual muddled chaos, which somehow ends up on the table at roughly the right time and in a roughly palatable condition!

    All the very best for 2013 when it comes. X


  3. Sarah says:

    I’ve been woken by my own snore before, but never a fart. I salute you, sir.


  4. Lynda M O says:

    Sounds delightful and I love that you made such a great plan.


  5. Katherine says:

    Sounds like a good one then! First Christmas with our own little person who had no idea what was happening but he seemed to like it and he definitely made things more fun.

    Have a good new year!


  6. sarah says:

    gawd bless you all
    and a Happy New Year


  7. chlost says:

    It’s nothing without the little people….and I am not referring to leprechauns!


  8. Jenna says:

    I kind of cried a little bit. I mean, I’m a crier, but yeah. Merry belated Christmas, Happy New Year, enjoy it all.


  9. Rach says:

    My Christmas this year was an equal bucket of awesome – no little ones involved, but a lot of friends, and very silly behaviour (I played scalextricks for the first time ever) – glad you are feeling settled, and I look forward to more happy / content posts xx


  10. Carrie says:

    Oh I really wish I lived there too xxx


  11. The Jannie says:

    Jings. crivvens, help ma boab, I visit one day and nothing’s changed; I miss a few days and we’re up to our oxters in happenings from Villa Kal. He’s not a man with a plan, it’s just his own special chaos theory falling into place! Here’s to a Happy New Year for you, Kal, yours and all you regular and occasional visitors.


  12. Peter says:

    Glad for you Kal, really, truly glad for you. And as for farting vigorously enough to wake yourself up that’s cool!
    I only wake the dogs up! Mind you, there is some poetic justice in that but kind of hard to explain to my wife WTF set the dogs off at 2.30am!

    That aside,pleased to hear you sounding happier. Stuff passes, sad but it does…..


  13. blogdog says:

    Love the picture. Very cool to get to hang out with someone who has the ability to be so happy in a supermarket before xmas! :)


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