Ahhhh, my sweet friends.
My sweet, Christian friends who discuss my sinful gayness and rampant atheism and stretch their arms out to me – “My brother, my family….I love you.”.
Yeah, those guys. You know those guys?
They disowned me because of my life choices.
Someone outed me to them; mentioned that I’d never read, nor watched the Lord of the Rings.
And they all got a bit cross with me, invited a whole bunch of folk over on Boxing Day and we sat down and watched the BluRay version, start to finish, six discs, fourteen hours, lots of beer.
I’d had this theory that 90% of the movies was just midgets striding through fields, forests, plains,swamps. And I still hold to that.
But it was all so wonderfully shot and the story ties so much together it was far too much fun to dismiss.
So instead I got a bit pissed, got welcomed into the fold and sat up until four in the morning.
And now I’ve downloaded the whole thing as an ebook, I’m slowly plodding, like Frodo and TheOtherOneWhoDefinitelyIsntFrodo’sBoyfriendHonest, through the whole epic mess.
Then on the 27th I went to watch the Hobbit, which is three hours of a dozen dwarves charging about and being dwarfy and Gandalf busting out the deus ex machina every time anything remotely bad happens “Oh no BrandyFart! My beard is tangled! What shall we do….oh, fuck it…here comes Gandalf, never mind..”
Also, tales of peril and danger are all very well, but all the stumpy little bastards survived to the end of the movie. There were twelve of them. Twelve. I couldn’t even recognise them all, let alone remember their names or characters.
All I’m saying, is old JRR had a bag of disposable characters, some of whom he could have bumped off to make the peril more perilous and make us think that bad things might happen to this happy band of leprechauns.
But he didn’t. And now I’m cross with him.
That said, I’ll still go back and watch the other two Hobbit movies when they come out. Just to prove myself right, of course.