Apr 18

And I still can’t shoot lasers from them…

Tag: JournalKal @ 1:39 pm

So I’ve worn glasses since I was about ten, my parents noticing me scrunching my face up in an attempt to focus on, well, almost anything. There is surely nothing more attractive than a pudgy pre-pubescent kid trying to make his face implode and pushing that imploded face RIGHT up to yours so he can see you better.

Back off, kid, you’re creeping me out.

I had a lovely collection of plastic NHS frames and, when I went to high school, graduated up to some highly alluring steel aviators. Step up, ladies, it’s all for sale.

And I broke them, a lot, adding the requisite tape and glue as I went along.

Are you getting a picture yet?

Teenage years brought daily disposable lenses and many thrilling hours of poking myself in the eye in the mirror. Daily disposables certainly allowed me to avoid the rigmarole of cleaning and storing, but they were essentially made of cling film and not really designed to be handed by a ham fisted teenager.

So I stuck to specs, wearing lenses only on occasion, mainly when I want to wear sunglasses.

Earlier this year I was out in the UAE and Sean suggested laser surgery to me. I was less than convinced, as I firmly believe that something will go horribly wrong and I’ll end up looking like this guy.


But he was insistent. He’d had it done, his wife has had it done.

And I’d be all up for “Maybe I should discuss this with a doctor…”, except he IS a bloody doctor. And he’s not even going “Well…these are the risks….you should know about the possible outcomes.”

He’s just saying “You’re a bloody idiot, go and do it.”

So I came back to Scotland with the intention of doing exactly that.

And what’s why tomorrow I’m going to go and have a man shoot lasers into my eyes.

My eyes.


Oh and, AND.

I’m going to pay him money for doing it.

There’s an enormous part of me who thinks that what I’m doing is fucking stupid. My vision with lenses and glasses is just fine and I’m aware that the surgery carries a risk that I may come out the end still needing corrective lenses. Or, even more excitingly, I may end up MORE short sighted than I was before.


But on the other hand, there’s a much higher chance that I’ll have a day or so of discomfort and from there on in I’ll be able to do such luxurious things as waking up in the middle of the night for a pee and not having to blunder about in the darkness.

I’ll be able to swim! (I can swim already, by the way, I’m not expecting the LASIK to turn me into Flipper…)

And I’ll be able to travel away from home without the constant worry of having a spare pair of lenses with me, or losing my glasses

It’s not even as though I can sell them afterwards if I don’t like the results…I don’t think EBay has a section for “Burned body parts.”

Also, I’m not sure how I’d ship them.

There’s an entire story to be told about how I chose which person shoots me in the face.

With lasers.

11 Responses to “And I still can’t shoot lasers from them…”

  1. Pam says:

    Best of luck! I wish I had the nerve.


  2. KatyAna says:

    You’re braver than me. I don’t think I would have the nerve to have it done. I say I want it done but give me the couple of grand I need I think I would end up backing out. I also have been wearing glasses since I was young, however, I wanted them and actually faked my first eye test so I could get them. Now I am blind without them. But I have never really minded wearing them and at the moment I have a pair that I love and won’t go to the opticions even though I am due to because I don’t want to change glasses.


  3. Liv says:

    I got mine done last Sept – one of the best decisions I’ve ever made! It’s been glorious to be able to see all the time. I only wish I had done it sooner. Good luck!


  4. calista says:

    I would love to do that! I’ve been in the same boat as you since second grade, though I really like contacts more than my librarian glasses. Best of luck to you and here’s hoping you come out on the other side with 20/20 vision!


  5. Utility says:

    Come hang out in my department, we can laser your eyes for free! (admittedly, some of the lasers we use would burn right through to the other side of your head, but you wouldn’t have to pay!)


  6. Amaranthine says:

    I have that glasses collection too. NHS frames through the 80’s are fashion icons of their era and the photographic evidence is horrifying.

    Good luck tomorrow.


  7. carol d says:

    Best of luck, Kal. Do it now, while you still can!


  8. chaz says:

    Had it done last year. My vision is not as good as my corrected vision was, but I don’t care. I love being able to wear non-presciption sunglasses, swimming in the sea, mountain-biking and just everything.

    Totally worth it, and don’t worry if you don’t have perfect vision straight away.


  9. Dash says:

    Good luck! You’re much braver than me. I’ve had a couple of eye ops and can still remember the suturing of my eye. I don’t think the corneal flap requires a suture, but my first thought is still “f*ck that!”.


  10. Win-Stone says:

    I wear glasses and, like you, have done since I was about 12ish.

    I am, however lucky enough that I can actually manage without the double glazing….. which is a good job because, if anyone goes near my eyes, I tend to get violent.

    Contacts? No chance, guv. Like I said…….. violent.

    Think that my position could, ultimately, be summarise by Dash……. F##K THAT!!

    (did I mention the violence? The extreme violence?)

    So, good luck indeed (are you sure I mentioned the extreme violence?) with the whole ‘burning rays in the eye-balls’ thing and look forward to you up-dating us on the impending lack of blindness.


  11. Guernsey Moo says:

    I was a 12 year old girl with a squint and my optician and parents noticed I’d peer over the top of my glasses. So my new glasses were huge, really high so I couldn’t look over the top. They were also identical to the snooker player Dennis Taylor. Yep, that became my nickname and even after corrective surgery (which worked) they still called me Dennis. Good luck with the lasers!


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